Had a shithouse first day. We pretty much got chucked our schedules at 7.55am and then got given our groups 5 minutes later with no real preparation. The days are split into the morning group and the afternoon group. Each group has 1 & ½ hrs activities and 1 & ½ hrs group therapy. The 1 & ½ hrs group therapy is really just a chance for us to get our breath back as we just sit in a lounge soaking up the sweet A.C with ciggie breaks every now and then.
I got paired up with one of the aussie girls who tried to stamp her authority in the first 5 minutes and from where I was standing didn’t get to far with it, as it was pretty much just empty threats: “I’ll write you up for this and for that” etc etc. That afternoon I got paired with the Austrian guy and felt like I had to include him in the headcounts, but more later….
The next day was an absolute pearler , no problems whatsoever. I taught them how to play Ultimate Frisbee and I know for sure that will be one of the high lights for the summer. For a change they had to play as a team, and with very little showboating. Even the ‘tougher’ more ‘gansta’ kids were encouraging the weaker players on.
Yesterday I just wanted to go home. Everyday is so different form the next. Anyway I digress. I had group first thing and went out for a smoke, next thing two of the guys are fighting in group and one of them gets sent to Hill. Hill is the bad boys house where there are even fewer privileges if any at all compared to the other houses. So I get the remainder of the group down to the soccer field. At this point I’ve lost the one to Hill, and 2 kids that had to stay behind and see their case managers. So there’s about 7 kids and the Austrian left. I sit out because I’m starting to get heat rash and don’t really want to get all sweaty as well. They start playing 4 aside when 2 kids collide and one gets carted off to the medical center. So now I’m down to six kids. About 20 mins later I’m playing Frisbee and kicking a cocer ball around with 2 of the kids, the other 3 or 4 are sitting in the wagons (think any John Wayne movie), I hear a bit of ‘cussing’ and figure its cool coz Hazza’s got it under control. I turn back around and then 5 seconds later have to turn and sprint to the wagon because it starts shaking and voices being raised and not one of them has an Austrian English accent. I get in there and manage to split it up after being called a ‘c#cksucker’ and getting told to ‘F off’. I ended up having to crab left and right to make sure I was in the middle of this kid wanting to hit the other because he finally spat back at the kid who’d been spitting on him for about 5 mins. I ended up having to send him to Hill because it hadn’t been stopped earlier and finally escalated into an ugly situation.
Nevermind there’s still been a fair bit of fun being had!
We ended up going to this bar called the Roadhouse finally, after having been pre-warned that they didn’t like ‘people who aren’t from round these parts’ , as we got a personal invitation from the owner who said that rumour was ‘codswallop’. So we go in there and there’s drunk old hicks crooning Elvis, Frank Sinatra and the Dixie Chicks to their buck toothed other halfs but a good time was had by all. I didn’t sing but showed the other Camp America people how to torpedo and 2 torpedoes later I was regretting being out of tolerance and also having chosen black Smirnoff ices not the lighter red Smirnoff ones.
The next day I was supposed to have been gone to what was dubbed a natural water park called Reed Springs but it got canned at the last minute and I ended up going into a town called Salem (no not the witch hunting one or the one in the Young and Restless, yes we had this discussion) and went to the cultural icon of America…..Walmart again. The hardest part of camp had got to be the nights and finding things to keep ourselves occupied. Me and Kev have gone absolutely mad and have invested in police helmets (think ChiPs) and Nerf guns to shoot each other with oh and super soakers (water pistols).
We got another impromptu ride to Farmington the next day after we spent the start of the afternoon trying to play soccer for an hour where we spent about ½ an hour organizing teams. We’ve now decided that for any of our day off activities that we decide to take we’ll be picking the teams. These kids play sport like every point is worth a million dollars and every accidental bump is something to die for. So after the shambles that is soccer (I’m talking about the game in general here : P ) we head guess where…….Walmart in Farmington where Kev and I decided to complete our transition to full redneck. One of the things with Walmart is you can buy a shotgun there and shells but you need a week before you can pick it up so we compromised and both bought Daisy BB rifles so that we can sit on our porch (or in our case empty milk crates) and shoot coke cans while smoking Marlboroughs and drinking Budweiser.
On Monday night I think or Sunday, days really are rolling into the next here, we got invited up to the bosses for a bonfire and to try another fine American tradition – smores, which are basically honey wheat biscuits or should I say cookies with half a block of a Hersheys chocolate bar with toasted marshmallows in the middle. They definitely are an experience and tasted quite nice although I did feel a little sick after I had a second one. I really think that I should change the name of this blog to Super Size Me, its almost like all the hard work I put into drinking and losing weight in Europe has gone to waste.
Speaking of food I’ve had a few emails from people who’ve asked what the foods like. Well the local cuisine is called “Missouri Fried fill in the blank”. Meal times are straight out of any prison movie with a camp like setting, I got told that the boys had only just been given the privilege of using metal forks again after there were a couple of stabbing type incidents a couple of months prior. Good luck to anyone looking for a knife to cut up the slabs of meat they give us to eat. A lot of the time though its like we just get to eat home made fast food: hamburgers, corn dogs, sloppy joes (Spag bol minus the spaghetti in a hamburger bun), baloney sandwiches (BTW baloney is luncheon sausage). Anyway mum I’m eating don’t necessarily know about well but I ain’t starving……much.
Since the first incidents that I had told you guys about things have really picked up and most days are pretty good and a lot of the staff here are really surprised that we haven’t had to restrain anyone.
Cheers for your patience and I hope you’re well!
Matt
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