Somewhere Over The Rainbow.....

Well last Monday was pretty exciting for a variety of reasons. Our boss John has gone on holiday for 4 weeks putting Kev in charge. We are approximately 3-4 staff members short. So the guys have been sneaking off for smokes and because our groups are no longer by houses they are palming contraband from house to house.

Our morning activities got rained out so we ended up just rolling with and finding things to do and keep the boys busy. In the afternoon it cleared up and normal play resumed. That nights me and Rowena went to go hang out with some of the upper ranch houses. About 20 mins into a game of cards the rain picked up and the guys chilling outside the house on the porch sprinted inside followed by micellaneous pieces of wood and debris. Ten seconds later and the tornado warning came through and we got stuck there for another half an hour. Once the rain and the wind calmed down we decided we better head back to our houses before we got stuck in for the night. Unfortunately the road back to our houses was blocked by a fallen tree and so was the alternative route. We went back to a couple of the other houses before deciding to try getting round the tree 4x4 style in our borrowed beater Betty when we noticed that there was a rather large oak tree hanging from the power line. End of story though we decided that we'd risk it and we made it back to our houses. As I pulled up to our house all the other guys were walking up towards camp so I made a U turn and took them back up to the activities building so we could pick up some of the camping gear there as our lights had gone out and there were lanterns there. AS we were loading up the car Holly came tearing across the yard and was yelling " there's another tornado about 5 minutes away get inside now!'. So we all piled back into the car when Hazza takes off into the case managers building. So I start beeping the horn and we're all yelling for him to hurry up, he's gone for good on 5 minutes when Kev runs in to get him a couple minutes later both of them come out. When Hazza got into the car we all started getting stuck into him for farting about as usual, when he Kev lets us know that Harry was busy chattting. Just after we got the last of the camping gear back into our house the second storm started. We ended up just playing cards by lantern and having coffee heated by candles and talking to the other houses on the radios, turns out the second tornado jumped across the valley and went straight on from there so I guess we were pretty lucky. For a crazy situationit was pretty fun and there were a lot of funny stories the next day particularly the house whose boys did an impromptu last confession.

On the weekend we headed over to another camp to party with the other Camp America people and funnily enough nothing over here is without drama. Me and Kev were going tubing down the river when we get to our stop. Next thing I hear John my boss yelling to get out of the water throw my tube to the side and start chasing. So I'm running along in my jandals following everyone else like a headless chicken for about 5 minutes before I find out what had happened. Anyway earlier while I was making my way down the river a couple of guys saw a fight breaking out so they went over to intercede when this one dude ran up a bank straight to where our car was and smashed our windscreen with an oar. So everyone was chasing this one guy trying to catch him so we could get our money. End of story we didn't catch him but took his rental canoe which later we found out had a resonable stash of coke of on it. His friend who managed to get the crap kicked out of him told us he was coming back with "30 of his niggas and shotguns once they all got coked up again".

Moral of the story: let the hicks bash the shit of each other then raid their canoe.

But we still partied on, we had a real international party there were aussies, scots, irish, russian and english to go with our austrian, south african and swede and the aussies, english and kiwi of course. We partied pretty late on the river bank, swum till around 1 in the morning and slept out under the stars on a hard bed of rocks and got woken harshly by the sun but it was definately one of the things I did Camp America for.

Anyway I think thats the jist of it.

Laters

Matt

P.S. My mullet and beard are coming along nicely. I am getting my "I (Heart) MOM " tattoo next week. The anchor on my other arm has only just healed.

One Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest...

Dear Avid Reader,

Well I know its been awhile but surprisingly I have been very busy.
Since I last wrote I have been on a Wagon Train think any western movie. We were supposed to stay overnight in a tepee but it was too hot. In fact we only got to ride the horses for an hour as well because the sun was beating down pretty hard. I ended up spending about 5 hours in the sun 2 days lifeguarding, yeah think Baywatch! Anyway the next day I managed to play sports all day and was pretty tired the next day. The following day was the hottest day we've had this summer, we were on heat advisory warning so in true Wheelchair fashion I got heat stroke and managed to start a verbal tirade with one of the other Camp America staff right before I proceeded to dry retch for about 10 minutes. Lovely. Anyway end of story guy got sent to another camp for being a lazy useless git but enough of that, except lets just say that I made sure I locked up my valuables the day he left.

Funnily enough my week hadn't ended there I was doing a tug of war contest with the 2 lockdown houses and after the first round I was standing there talking to some kids and next thing I hear 2 kids abusing each other so I turn around to see whats going on and end up getting knocked on the ground as one kid pushed the other and the back of his head whipped into the front of mine. I then had to go work as a house parent that evening and ended up with a headache all night but luckily and strangely enough no concussion.

So much has been going on I can't remember a lot of it, I've been spending quite a lot of my free time just chilling with the different houses so that's been keeping my nights pretty busy. Although the other the night we ended up going to a redneck reception at the Roadhouse and yes I do have pictures it was hella funny. Groom dressed as up in waistcoat and bowtie etc but wearing basketball boots and singing terrible kareoke. I am officially the Camp America Fire Bug as I seem to have a knack for lighting fires, all the practice as a junior pyromanic has finally come in handy. We spend a lot of time lighting fires at night and usually in the weekend there's no other way for us to cook food for 10 with a microwave and a small hot plate.

We went to St Louis last weekend just to get away which was pretty fun, spend it at the city museum which is hard to put into words so you'll just have to wait and see the photos. Its kind of an arty, playground that you pretty much just run around and find stuff to crawl through, climb up or slide down. Speaking of photos have I told you how much I am hating technology lately? WELL my ipod has decided to crap out on me. Nevermind the music as I can rip that all again when i get home but I have all my Europe photos and some early camp photos on their as well. Do you think it will still be under warranty if I throw it against a wall?

The last week has been spent with a bunch of christians running a basketball camp with prayer group at every quarter break. I've made sure that I've been "busy" with other things during this time as I get the feeling a fair bit of ceiling painting goes on in these parts and not to mention "exorcising the demon". They're trying hard to convert me but I just throw up the horns at them......
Because basketball camp has been on and all of the rest of the trainned permanent staff have been trainning this work it fell on me and Kev to work Hill. This was an interesting experience, I haven't raised my voice the whole time I've been here (hard to believe I know) but by the second day I was definately a few decibels louder. On the first day within the few minutes of having the boys I had to stop a fight. On the third day I officially became a "Hill Man" as I had to do my first restraint. It definately wasn't a pleasant experience. It wasn't like a fight or when you stop a fight and just take them down. We had to hold this kid to the ground for at least 30 minutes while he screamed non stop the whole time. While all this was going on the whole house went crazy. Others were trying to get out of their rooms to either see what was going on or settle old scores. One kid starting banging his head on the wall so we went to put him in timeout where he kept banging his head on the wall and punching himself in the face. He ended up getting transferred to a mental hospital. I hope I don't have to see a kid like that again, it was pretty scary it was like watching something out of a funny farm movie and I had no idea what to do.

Anyway I guess its all character building in the end and i am enjoying it, although I have kinda stopped eating a little bit (even stranger I know!) but the food is terrible and its just been to hot lately.

Take Care and make sure to comment

PS: To all my new and old friends in London if you happen to be reading this let me know how you guys are! Best wishes.

Grand Theft Auto : Black, Missouri

Man has the last couple of days been a whirlwind of activity.
Yesterday things came to a head with Shaun, as there were a couple more incidents that day involving him and the boys. He ended up having to have a meeting with our boss Shaun and the Camp Director. We had to have a big group meeting at the end of the day to address the animosity that was building. Halfway through the meeting Shaun decided he wanted to leave but then the bosses took him aside and had a talk with him. The biggest problem ended up him pretending to understand english and not really. So we're all sorted now that we've had our big group hug.

Finally I got to start a fire!!! We ended up having a our own little camp fire that night and we managed to scrounge a guitar from one of the house parents and ended up sitting round the fire and playing guitar, singing songs and having a couple of beers. The fire got going pretty good for a couple of city boys getting the fire started. Well it was all going well till I burnt my finger trying to get the fire going better.

I had a full on first day of activities where we played Ultimate and Flag football house against house. No one wanted to play Ultimate and instead they opted for soccer (god knows why? Jokes we couldn't find the frisbee). It went pretty well, I managed to score a few goals in soccer and then scored a touchdown on the return from the kick off, its nice I seem to be getting picked for teams quite early. LOL.

Anyway today was one for the books, we had a pretty cruisy morning and ended up playing flag football again. After that we had group and then in the afternoon I got river duty for the second day in a row. In the morning I was spewing that I had drawn river duty 2 days in a row as I hadn't felt like a swim but by the time mid morning rolled round I'd changed my mind pretty quickly. Today was the hottest day we've had since I've been there. So I took the boys down to the river for a swim. When you're down by the river you are out of range for the radio. So everythings going on so well that I give the house a positive write up (the first that I've done either positive or negative), saunter back to camp going on about what a great day I've had. Then I got filled in on the rest of the days events. Mum you may wanna skip this part.......now you're hooked aren't you? So yesterday 2 boys tried running away into the woods trying to make their way to the highway, they got disoriented and ended up doing this big circle and started walking back towards camp. They both got sent to Hill and solitary for their efforts.
Today the same 2 boys and 1 other ran away again. They ran into the camp accountant and bashed him in the head with a rock leaving him unconcious. The 3 made their way down the highway again and as a Jeep Cherokee approached them ran into the road screaming for help. The car of course stopped and the 3 boys ended up car jacking this lady's car. Now this lady happened to be the county DFS (Department of Family Services) worker. So they're driving around and managed to flip this car into a ditch and got left with minor injuries. Chances are they will now be sent to a level 4 facility, Valley Springs is level 3.

Oh one of the girls received a "death" threat today by one of the boys she sent to Hill so things are pretty much all peaches and cream here. But hey I had one of the best days ever!

So guys don't stress its 'all good' I'm having a ball and I do feel quite safe particularly when I got told today that I was an 'OG', " you know cuz an original gansta' . Anyway if you know what that means let me know all I know is they told me it was a good thing.

Laters

Matt

Hey Charlie Brown you've done it again.......

Well contrary to a few of the emails I've received I am still alive but barely. On Friday me and Kev were working the morning shift together and half our group were on work patrol so we ended up playing Spades (i'll teach it to you when I get home) in the shade underneath a tree by the basketball court ( a real prison yard feel!).
So we were having a pretty cruisy morning and after we headed to group we all walked of to the lunch. I had lunch in the second group and while the boys are praying we get our lunch so we're ready to go straight away. So I sit down with my cafeteria tray consisting of a pretty tasty beef burrito\kebab, onion rings and fruit salad. I make my way through the burrito\kebab and onion rings and start in on the fruit salad. I pick away and eat all the apple and mandarins out of it and then start noticing the strange yet familiar itching in my ears and throat. So i look back down at my fruit salad and lo and behold I find a whole bunch of chopped walnuts. Unlike my pesto incident in Florence quite fortunately the otherside of my bunkhouse is a medical centre. How good is that for someone nicknamed Wheelchair??? So I'm sitting in the dining hall after I've taken an antihistamine but its not really working. John (my boss) rushes me a 200m down the road to the medical centre, i get rushed through and they hook me up to monitor my pulse, blood pressure and then jab me with some kind of shot leaving me feeling quite dizzy and tired ( oh they hooked my up to a nebuliser as well coz of the asthma attack induced by the walnuts) and with the afternoon off.

I ended up getting to sleep the afternoon away and went out for dinner with some of the other staff at the ranch owners restaurant that was frequented by many of the ranch owners staff (hmm money going round in circles eh?). Later that night we all headed back to the Roadhouse for more kareoke only to find that kareoke had changed to Saturday this week (sly rednecks!). We all proceeded to get pretty boozed and there were drinks and filthy (dirty is far to inaccurate a word to use) dancing a plenty. Hazza refused to have a drink much to the chagrin of the rest of the bar who were chanting "Harry, Harry, Harry" and letting down a fine tradition of beer swilling, one eyed Cantab sheep shaggers (how did Marshall into the squad? Is he bring on the oranges at half time?). A couple of girls tried to get Hazza the Rigid Robot to dance but Harry looked like he needed a dozen cans of CRC to get those joints of his moving. Harry was definately the man of the night though everyone was trying to get a reation out of him, there were many a Harry sandwich made and as I recall he got bent over a few girls knees and spanked. Hazza's response to all this was ................"OK".
It is my mission this summer to get a response other than 'OK' in any given situation preferably I am hoping to get him to call me an 'F ing Muppet' or punch me.

Anyway we're all pretty hung over the next day and public enemy number 1 Mnimzi aka Shaun locked himself out of the bunkhouse and spent the night on the couch at one of the other houses. He decides to return home at 7.50am while everyone else is sleeping. Then wakes the whole house up and starts watching a movie, to be frank I nearly smacked him the head but thought that probably not the best thing to do in a camp where they are trying to teach the boys about non violent answers to problems, instead I gave him a brief verbal bollocking and sat there waiting for him to bait me some more so I could really give it a good nudge like the mature adult that I am.
At about 12o'clock that day we get picked up to go to Karen the spiritual therapists for a barbeque. After driving somewhat round in circles by a local we finally arrive at Karen's. As we walk up I see the one of the biggest piles of shit I've ever seen and as I'm wondering what the hell made this I almost walk into an even bigger pile. So we're making our way up to her house and the phrase 'little old lady with lots of cats" comes to mind. Karen a " recycled hippie" as she calls herself guides us up to the dining room where we get a drink. Next thing the girls are going "oh wow" this and "oh wow" that and I turn around and there are to great big horses just wandering round her garden. I go down to have a cigarette and as I'm finishing I ask Karen where I can butt it out she tells me to follow her and I go and get a can and this giant horse starts following me around the place like a lost puppy dog. We finish up lunch and then take a quick walk up to the river before turning round to head back to camp as Ashley (one of the local activity staff who drove us there) has to get back to her kids. So we start going and to end an absolutely perfect couple of days our fan belt goes and the radiator goes kaput. At this point we're about 10 mins from Karens and approximately 1 hr from camp. So we spend the next hour winding up Harry, singing and talking a very large amount of shit before our rescue van comes to get us.
That's pretty much that, we start taking the kids for the full days now that summer schools over so I'm pretty sure that I'll have a whole lot more to say later and more wayward Roadhouse adventures....

Y'all come back now y'hear

Matt

Hey Cletus pass me my shotgun........

Had a shithouse first day. We pretty much got chucked our schedules at 7.55am and then got given our groups 5 minutes later with no real preparation. The days are split into the morning group and the afternoon group. Each group has 1 & ½ hrs activities and 1 & ½ hrs group therapy. The 1 & ½ hrs group therapy is really just a chance for us to get our breath back as we just sit in a lounge soaking up the sweet A.C with ciggie breaks every now and then.

I got paired up with one of the aussie girls who tried to stamp her authority in the first 5 minutes and from where I was standing didn’t get to far with it, as it was pretty much just empty threats: “I’ll write you up for this and for that” etc etc. That afternoon I got paired with the Austrian guy and felt like I had to include him in the headcounts, but more later….

The next day was an absolute pearler , no problems whatsoever. I taught them how to play Ultimate Frisbee and I know for sure that will be one of the high lights for the summer. For a change they had to play as a team, and with very little showboating. Even the ‘tougher’ more ‘gansta’ kids were encouraging the weaker players on.

Yesterday I just wanted to go home. Everyday is so different form the next. Anyway I digress. I had group first thing and went out for a smoke, next thing two of the guys are fighting in group and one of them gets sent to Hill. Hill is the bad boys house where there are even fewer privileges if any at all compared to the other houses. So I get the remainder of the group down to the soccer field. At this point I’ve lost the one to Hill, and 2 kids that had to stay behind and see their case managers. So there’s about 7 kids and the Austrian left. I sit out because I’m starting to get heat rash and don’t really want to get all sweaty as well. They start playing 4 aside when 2 kids collide and one gets carted off to the medical center. So now I’m down to six kids. About 20 mins later I’m playing Frisbee and kicking a cocer ball around with 2 of the kids, the other 3 or 4 are sitting in the wagons (think any John Wayne movie), I hear a bit of ‘cussing’ and figure its cool coz Hazza’s got it under control. I turn back around and then 5 seconds later have to turn and sprint to the wagon because it starts shaking and voices being raised and not one of them has an Austrian English accent. I get in there and manage to split it up after being called a ‘c#cksucker’ and getting told to ‘F off’. I ended up having to crab left and right to make sure I was in the middle of this kid wanting to hit the other because he finally spat back at the kid who’d been spitting on him for about 5 mins. I ended up having to send him to Hill because it hadn’t been stopped earlier and finally escalated into an ugly situation.

Nevermind there’s still been a fair bit of fun being had!

We ended up going to this bar called the Roadhouse finally, after having been pre-warned that they didn’t like ‘people who aren’t from round these parts’ , as we got a personal invitation from the owner who said that rumour was ‘codswallop’. So we go in there and there’s drunk old hicks crooning Elvis, Frank Sinatra and the Dixie Chicks to their buck toothed other halfs but a good time was had by all. I didn’t sing but showed the other Camp America people how to torpedo and 2 torpedoes later I was regretting being out of tolerance and also having chosen black Smirnoff ices not the lighter red Smirnoff ones.

The next day I was supposed to have been gone to what was dubbed a natural water park called Reed Springs but it got canned at the last minute and I ended up going into a town called Salem (no not the witch hunting one or the one in the Young and Restless, yes we had this discussion) and went to the cultural icon of America…..Walmart again. The hardest part of camp had got to be the nights and finding things to keep ourselves occupied. Me and Kev have gone absolutely mad and have invested in police helmets (think ChiPs) and Nerf guns to shoot each other with oh and super soakers (water pistols).

We got another impromptu ride to Farmington the next day after we spent the start of the afternoon trying to play soccer for an hour where we spent about ½ an hour organizing teams. We’ve now decided that for any of our day off activities that we decide to take we’ll be picking the teams. These kids play sport like every point is worth a million dollars and every accidental bump is something to die for. So after the shambles that is soccer (I’m talking about the game in general here : P ) we head guess where…….Walmart in Farmington where Kev and I decided to complete our transition to full redneck. One of the things with Walmart is you can buy a shotgun there and shells but you need a week before you can pick it up so we compromised and both bought Daisy BB rifles so that we can sit on our porch (or in our case empty milk crates) and shoot coke cans while smoking Marlboroughs and drinking Budweiser.

On Monday night I think or Sunday, days really are rolling into the next here, we got invited up to the bosses for a bonfire and to try another fine American tradition – smores, which are basically honey wheat biscuits or should I say cookies with half a block of a Hersheys chocolate bar with toasted marshmallows in the middle. They definitely are an experience and tasted quite nice although I did feel a little sick after I had a second one. I really think that I should change the name of this blog to Super Size Me, its almost like all the hard work I put into drinking and losing weight in Europe has gone to waste.

Speaking of food I’ve had a few emails from people who’ve asked what the foods like. Well the local cuisine is called “Missouri Fried fill in the blank”. Meal times are straight out of any prison movie with a camp like setting, I got told that the boys had only just been given the privilege of using metal forks again after there were a couple of stabbing type incidents a couple of months prior. Good luck to anyone looking for a knife to cut up the slabs of meat they give us to eat. A lot of the time though its like we just get to eat home made fast food: hamburgers, corn dogs, sloppy joes (Spag bol minus the spaghetti in a hamburger bun), baloney sandwiches (BTW baloney is luncheon sausage). Anyway mum I’m eating don’t necessarily know about well but I ain’t starving……much.

Since the first incidents that I had told you guys about things have really picked up and most days are pretty good and a lot of the staff here are really surprised that we haven’t had to restrain anyone.

Cheers for your patience and I hope you’re well!

Matt

Matt & Kumar, well it was Frank really, go to White Castle sans weed

Well last night was hella eventful,

Went for a ride to the local shops to get some more food for the guys with a guy called Frank,a chain smoking draftee for Nam who ended up taking me for a drive and showed me some of the local scenery. When i got back i ended up playing some soccer and american football, got the first touchdown of the game which i think won me some schoolyard respect! After that we all went to dinner and this one guy collapsed. Earlier in the day he'd been standing on 2 milk crates and fell off.

We had to take him to hospital, it seems whereever I'm around there's always a trip to hospital involved. We were at the hospital for a good 5 hours or so when they finally diagnosed that he had a cardiac contusion, basically he bruised his heart and it made him pass out, he got transferred to a hospital up in St Louis all he could talk about was the fact that he got stuck with needles and they took his blood till i told him that he could be rooming with girl patients, that put a smile on his face!

Meanwhile all the other guys went down to river and lit a fire to roast marshmallows on, they promised we'd do it again soon but really i think think they're just lying bastards.....no i'm not bitter, not one bit. I get a hospital waiting room and they get toasted marshmallows.

On the way home stopped of at White Castle with Frank but neither of us were stoned, interesting the burgers there really are tiny and you can buy them in a 30 box......hmmmm super size me?

Anyway today had life guard trainning and pretty knackered really, will try and post about once a week now that we have some internet access. Things have definately improved in the last couple of days seeing as we've been a whole lot busier.

See ya

Matt

PS: You may or may not notice there are 2 more posts between the one you just read and the last one you read. I'm writing them down in a journal and then typing them up, so if you're interested enough to check make sure you check the ones underneath the latest posts!

A Long Hot Summer

Well things are definately heating up here. The weather is so consistantly hot, i feel the pounds just melting away already and its the start of summer.
Spent some time with a couple of cabins today which was interesting. No wonder some of them act up. Their saturday consisted of cards and dvd's when all they wanted to do was throw a ball around.

I know this is quite a contrast from previous blogs but man have things changed since i was on tour. I think today was the most apprehensive i've felt about where i am. We have quite a UN crew here but its so small its quite easy to get in each others faces.

We've had a little to much free time and I think we're all looking forward to getting to work to occupy ourselves.

Laters,

Matt

Welcome to Shawshank

Well I made my pick up to go to camp but somewhat reminicent toa travel day i spent from 11.30am to 10.30pm at the airport waiting to pick up 4 other camp america people to arrive. We got a Saffa called Nminsi (sp), 2 aussie girls: Holly & Rowena, a Pom- Kev, A scot - Marty and an austrian called Hazza (Harry) who talks like goldfinger but higher pitched. I actually thought Hazza was taking the piss when i first met him and it wasn't until the boss said " he's from Austria" that I realised it was his crazy high pitched accent.

I really am right in the middle of nowhere. The nearest shops are 9 miles away and the nearest "civilised" town is about 40mins away depending on who's driving. We got into camp at about 2 in the morning and i have to say i could have had ended up with much worse accomodation. The bunkroom is straight out of a war movie's boot camp except our bunks are made out of 2 x 4. We've made it our own though. We got our kitchen , complete with fridgeand microwave and the owner just stopped by and dropped of a TV, stereo and a whole bunch of food.

We spent 4 hours at Walmart the other day to get supplies and work out what we needed for our bunkhouse. I think its going to be a pretty fun time here, we get most of our nights off. Which is fairly much straight after dinner at 5pm. They eat ridiculously early here lunch is at 10.45am.

We're about a 5 minute walk from the river which is great. We went down there the other day after playing some b-ball with kids, not only can white men not jump but neither can Asian kiwis at 5'4.
I floated down the river a bit and just soaked up the deliverance like surroundings. My ears and eyes are constantly open here for duelling banjo's, mountain lions, black widows and copperhead snakes. Also there have also been a couple of Yogi sightings.

The kids here are all disadvantaged in some way or another and the courts or the system have picked them up somewhere along the way and they spend anywhere from 3 months to 3 years or more here. The few I've talked to have been pretty friendly but the boss has warned us that they can turn on us at the drop of a hat.

There's a chance that we're going to get a week of somewhere in the middle so we're looking at hiring a car and going down to New Orleans or up to Toronto.

Its funny for someone that used to bag cellphones a lot I feel like i've gone back to the stone age with no cell phone coverage whatsoever and very limited internet access.

Take care and watch out for thar' them mountain lions.

Matt

The Last Post?.......well possibly for a while anyway!

Hi guys,

Thought I would get this out of the way now. I start camp tomorrow and I have no idea what facilities there will be for internet. It has been quite difficult getting on in the last couple of days.

I went downtown today and checked out the mississipi river ( i know i spelt that one right! sorry bout all the typos in the previous posts but time is of the essence). It was pretty cool, I went and saw the largest monument to McDonalds ever. Jokes, its a big silver arch, imagine if you will a Mcdonalds arch cut in half and silver but the size of a skyscraper. After that i wandered about 15 blocks to go to this place called City Museum, i think its a clever "drop off your kids" playground place where parents go to deliberately lose their children. Nah they don't let you leave your kids there but it wouldn't be hard to lose them. Its like a three story playground with a few art exhibits and crazy interior design, was definately pretty fun especially for a big kid like me.

Yesterday I wandered to the main station where there is kinda of a mall. I have also made a stunning conclusion as to what the worlds most universal language is, no its not music or maths its Chinglish. No matter where you go this language will be spoken somewhere. I wish i was a little more fluent in Chinglish as my attempt to not get a haircut failed yesterday after I woke up utterly pissed off with it and walked out of the chinglish hairdressers with a haircut that I haven't had since i was in 3rd form complete with a choir boy part. I walked out the door and put my hat on where it will remain for the rest of summer.

Can't think of what else to say about St Louis, it seems to be quite a black community and people kinda talk like Craig's dad out of Friday. I have to concentrate a little harder than normal to deceipher.

Just quickly a rant that'll sound more familiar coming out of one of the girls on tours mouths: "i feel fat", "I've put on weight" or "does my ass look fat in this?". I don't think i have really but I am really missing European food, the cheap pizza, baguettes and bratwurst. Its all burgers and fried chicken or steak, oh ribs as well. I already miss vegetables and thats a big statement coming from me! Also can anyone tell me what Chicken Fried Steak is, I'm too scared to ask and i have the feeling it will induce a heart attack.

Keep the mails coming coz I love getting them, and if I don't respond personally don't take offence but these things take a bit of time and I'll try and answer in here!

Anyway see ya when i sees ya!

Uncle Travelling Matt ( damn you Trish I was saving that one! )

PS: Leave comments so i can write bitchy comments back!

Super Size Me please....

Hi all,

Have made it safe and sound to St Louis.

My last day in London was pretty fun. After a very late wakeup as me Anna caught up till 3 in the morning we made it into town finally. First stop was Madam Tussauds, which was a ball. It was quite scary how life like some of them were. As we were leaving Anna says " wow that one looks really life like" only for him to move and turn out to being an usher. Afterwards we wandered down to Liverpool St and had a look round the markets there and bought a pretty cool pic of the Abbey road sign. On our way back to the tube station we passed the the Ten Bells where Jack the Ripper or the ladies of the night used to frequent. After one last wander round Picadilly Circus we made our way to meet the rest of EE860 (my tour) survivors to go to Fame. Fame was awesome, i only knew the one song from it but it was still had an amazing time.

Did the mad dash to the airport in the morning and finally landed at JFK where i had my first cultural american experience and watched a lot of people get super sized, they must have missed the doco. I've been getting funny looks here when i've ordered medium sized meals. Made it to the hotel late at night and watched tv for a while, they still play Golden girl reruns!

Went into town today which was interesting am currently sitting in the library typing this out. When i got in here around 11 today it was worse than wellington on easter weekend but things have seemed to pick up here now. How is it that I make another public holiday somewhere else in the world? Its bloody Memorial Day weekend here so not to sure whats going to be open. Although The Roots are going to be playing I'll see if i can get a ticket, should be pretty fun.

I think I'm getting culture shock where ever I'm going, as soon as i get used to one culture I'm off to another, although the gap between european culture and american culture seems bigger than I would have expected. its cool though I guess it keeps me on my toes.

I'm about to go see Kung Fu Hustle as there's not much else going on here on a Sunday and with tomorrow being the equivalent of ANZAC day don't think much else will be on tomorrow either also the baseball is on so maybe thats where everyone is.

The few people here that I've spoken to have been really nice and friendly which is nice hopefully it stays that way even when I do get out to Lesterville. For the record i haven't seen a single trailer park yet but will keep my eyes peeled. Although Ike Turner is on the walk of stars here if that tells you anything, Tina's a little further down on the other side of the road.

See ya later alligator
Matt

More Fun than you can shake a stick at......

Hey guys,

So much has happened since I last wrote that I don't even know where to start!
But I'll try from where I left off. The Jungle Animal party that we had went off I have some cracker photo's from that night. Everyone got into the swing of things with plenty of thanks going out to the girls working hard in the sweatshop producing ears, tails, manes and the like.
One of the guys on tour (the guy that drunk 9 black absinthes and 20 odd bundys and cokes, Jase you know who you are) went round the world which in 28 seconds which is basically 20 shots from around the world and walked himself to bed unlike the guy from the other tour that got carried home by his tourmates.

The next morning we left Lauterbrunen, Switzerland. Its a little out of the way but boy was it worth it. Imagine if you a will a village like atmostphere with a camping ground in the valley surrounded by the swiss alps. With Eiger in the background and waterfalls running of the cliffs every 50 -100m. I went on the highest cog railway to the top of the Jungfrau mountain passing through the Eiger and wandered round the observation decks there for a good couple of hours. A few of the guys on tour had never seen snow before and had purchased these plastic plate looking things that had handles so you could sit on them and slide down the hill a little bit.
The two nights spent in Lauterbrunen were spent at a bar called the Bomb Shelter. I'll tell you now it got pretty messy. I ended up playing drinking foosball for about 2 hours and pretty much drunk every goal. I went to the bar after finally getting knocked off the table and proceeded to do a few more torpedoes which impressed the bar maid and a couple of the Contiki reps there. I followed up with a good second innings the following night and due to the previous nights effort and the fact that I had made it back to the bar I got a few freebies.

The next morning we packed up the bus again for a travel day (read recovery) back into Germany with a few site seeing stops on the way. We did our drive through Lichenstein where the hi light for a lot of the group was getting there passport stamped there for 2 Euro. We had to leave in a hurry due to the riots and lynch mobs forming as I caused a mass downturn in the local economy by not getting my passport stamped. We stopped In Heidelburg where I checked out the castle there which was pretty cool although somewhat of a hike to get to but the view was great. I quite liked Heidelburg it was quite picturesque and managed to get a few good pics. we arrived in St Goar, Germany for what was called our sleep stop before the big bash in Amsterdam (aka The Dam or The Damage) . St Goar is by the Rhine so it was pretty cool to see all the old castle / toll places. We had to go to this beer stein factory and have a look. I left as soon as I could as I could see myself going to pick something up and dropping it. Although I did have to go back in the store when one of the americans on tour came and told me he found an Operation Iraqi Freedom stein. We had a good chuckle. Also I went over and had a look at the Steir Bear shop for Alexis which was pretty crazy. Alexis you need to make those kind of bears they were going for minimum 100 Euro.

After going to bed early and feeling well rested, actually thats a lie, my body didn't really appreciate a proper nights sleep and the previous 35 odd days worth of damage seemed to catch up on me we left for Amsterdam. On the way we stopped in Edam for cheese tasting, a clog demonstration and to ride a bike on a dike ( I almost called this post Ride a Dike on a Bike). Anyway we went for a leisurely ride round Edam over some dikes and canals on an omarfitz, a granny bike. We all wished the ride had gone on for longer it was such a fun, cruisy day. After we finished there we went off for some demonstrations and finally made it into the dam. Later that night after I had my first steak in some 6 odd weeks the majority of the group went to experience the cultural side of amsterdam. As soon as i put my name down on the sheet I was regretting it! We went to this live sex show which was pretty funny. Some of it was like aerobic / dance porn and then they had some real fat guys up there as well. The highlight of the evening was defintely the audience participation which i won't go into here but remind me to tell you. And yep I did have to get on stage but i got off lightly (no pun intended, jeez you guys are filthy).
After the show we wandered round the red light district which really does bring a new meaning to the phrase window shopping. I can't really put into words what its like but there was definately some culture shock for me and a lot of the other people on tour. We went to the Grasshopper after that were a lot of the guys had a medicinal smoke, I ended up watching the Argentinians getting robbed by the Lions before returning to see the aftermath of decriminalised marijuana. One guy got carried home and the other whose 21st it was spewed on the balcony at the Grasshopper and me being the good sort that i am took a little bit of his eyebrow for his trouble and to celebrate his birthday.

The next day I went to Anne Franks House after pedalling my ass off on a canal bike. Having had a near miss with a Canal ferry. God knows how I do it? It's not like the canals are that big that you can't see them, perhaps I was too busy taking in the sights or something. If you ever get a chance to go to Anne Franks House you should, its one of the most well made museum / monuments that I have ever seen. I bought a copy of the diary to read afterwards as I'd never read it and had to know more after wandering through the exhibits.

Our last night in Amsterdam we had pre dinner drinks on the canal, where a lot of people took the opportunity to get last minute photos of each other. We had dinner on a floating Chinese pagoda restaurant which seemed rather fixed to me. Anyway a lot of people really enjoyed the meal it just made me crave Shanghai. Our tour manager got up and made a speech about what a great group we were which set a bunch of the girls off crying. After dinner more drinks and smoke were had at the grasshopper before we all returned home for the night.

The last day on tour was a complete contrast to the first. The bus was dead silent as everyone was pondering bout the previous 36. We lost 3 Canadians and an American at the airport in Amsterdam which set all the girls on the bus off even the ones that weren't that close to them.
When we arrived back in London a few more goodbyes were said and a few more tears were shed. The survivors all skulked off to the pub for one last hurrah and a few drinks later slowly everyone started to leave. The few harcore and mainly the No More Sober Nights Pact were left and we were the ones that found it hardest to go to bed as nobody wanted to say goodbye. Its funny i'd read travelogues where people had said that the girls had had a cry and thought how bloody stupid but when you've been on the road that long and in such close confines and have made so many new good mates you do feel a little sad. For the record I didn't have a cry because real men don't cry but at the same time I really wanted to stay in London as so many of my good mates were staying on.

This morning felt a little lost as I wasn't sure what to do but hey....

Anyway more adventures to come when Tintin goes to America so stay tuned and make sure you email!

See ya
Matt

Where is the Von Trap Family?

Munich was great! the pork knuckle we got served was awesome, i love the food over here! I saw the cuckoo clock in the main square that goes for like 10 minutes it was pretty a cool story although the "grand finale" that our tour manager hyped up was a bit lame, in fact i missed it because i was talking to somebody about it, all that happened was the rooster cuckooed a few times.

The beer hall dinner was so much fun everyone got into it, even girls that don't drink beer downed a stein or two. i have learnt a trick with a stein glass that i'll have to show you when i get home, don't worry you won't get too drenched with beer. There were dancing girls and a bit om pah music it was going really well then one of the guys who had 4 steins chopped what was left of his girlfriends stein turned around and spewed, we made a very hasty exit.

I have somehow turned into the recruiter for the No More Sober Nights pact and with only a week left more people are wanting to join in the fun.

I'm back in Austria now in the Tirol region we had a 25k bike ride today. The first leg was pretty hard but after that it wasn't such a bad ride. I was too busy to take many photos but will get them of the guys later. The views up there were spectacular. It's funny Austria really wasn't one of the highlights when i chose this tour but now that i'm here its definately on of my favourite stops. Although i feel like i've written the last sentence a few times now.
Tonight we're having a Jungle Animal party which should be a laugh as a couple of the guys have been named after characters in the lion king thanks to their prowess with the ladies. Sit down, i got Rafeke the monkey, the other guys Mufasa, Simba and Hyena so draw your own conclusions! but tonight i'll be going as a sheep just for a laugh!

Laters

The Hills are alive with the Soúnd of Music

Guten Targ (sp),

Hey guys made it to Vienna the other day. I´m doing round 2 on the Black Death which is really getting on my nerves. I spent the first night in Vienna just wandering around really got some Wiener Schitzel and saw some soccer celebrations which was basically a bunch of drunk soccer hooligans standing in a circle outside of St Stephens cathedral throwing bottles into the middle of the circle while the police stood on the outside enjoying the festivities. After that I decided i was stil la bit hungry so i got a bratwurst from a street stall, man those things are good. Spent the day just wandering around really around the Burg Ring and ended up falling asleep under in Marie Therese Park. Later that day i went to the schnaps muesuem which was pretty fun tried a few and i think everyone got well on the way for dinner. Our last night in Venice a few of us made a "no more sober nights" pact and we lived up to it in Vienna, we were treated to a few beers and some apple schnapps which is all good and then danced our way on the bus to the chant of "no more sober nights" and back to the hotel which quite amusingly and somewhat childishly was called Hotel Kuntner. Well we laughed anyway...... Vienna was definately a highlight some pretty cool streets just to wander down. By the way mum i went to the Sacher Hotel and after laughing at an aussie tourmate who asked for a "sucky tort" leaving everyone quite bemused i tried some orignal Sacher Tort.

Stopped off in Mondsee (where some of the Sound of Music was filmed) for lunch, its a great little town, real quaint and really pretty. Me and four others walked passed the trees where the Von Trapp kids apparently did and wandered to the waterfront where an old austrian dude ina nautical outfit asked us if we wanted to hire an electric motorboat for 8 euro. We figured 8 per person but no it was 8 euro for the 5 of us for half an hour so we had a pretty cool time cruising round the lake. Which was a far more pleasant stop than the one we had in the morning. For our first stop this morning we went to Mauthausen concentration camp. It was quite a sobering experience for many on the bus, the place had a quite an eerie feel to it. Mauthausen was the last camp to be liberated by the allies.

After Mondsee we made our way to Deutchland, and we are going to a Beer hall tonight, which should be more than amusing, am really looking forward to trying out that pork knuckle and having a stein or 2. What does concern me is that there are a couple of people on the bus who i can just imagine having a Basil Fawlty moment with " Don´t mention the war".

By the way heading to Missouri for summer camp to look after some not so fortunate kids with some behavioural problems but figure it should be a walk in the park after coaching some of those Penguin kids like the Jamesons and the Wilsons. Here´s the camp website www.vsyouthranch.org

Cheers for all the updates on the footy

Auf Wierdersen

PS: No more sober nights!No more sober nights!No more sober nights!No more sober nights!

Wheelchair Strikes Again

Nah jokes, I'm ok although I had an incident with a bottle top at the Corinth Canal on the way to Athens much to everyones amusement. One of the girls wanted me to open a bottle of soft drink for them so i got my lighter out and went to pop it off and shot off like a champagne cork, i now have four neat little serated hole type shapes in my forehead where it looks like someone has attacked me with a fork. Other than that Athens has been pretty uneventful haven't really had much of look round. Got back here about 9pm after a frolick through Corfu and Mykonos.

George's boat in Corfu was hilarious basically just kicked back on a boat and sailed round (not literally) did some water sports for the first time ever on this speed tube things, to be quite blunt I was shitting my pants, i ended up buying one of the photos where I am screaming like a little girl. We had the toga party later that night which was interesting but I was feeling really tired and sore after the water sports. I think I had a bit of heat stroke or something and was feeling pretty cold, i know i was wearing a Toga but everyone else seemed fine maybe it was just that I was too big for the baby sheet they gave me.
Got up the next day and wandered into Corfu town to feed my Gyros addiction and went back to the hotel to laze the rest of the day away, we were going to head out to a beach but we had missed the next bus and the next one was 4 hours away so a whole bunch of us watched Top Gun. We had the traditional greek dinner that night, it was pretty fun, and yep i had to get up and participate but then so did the whole group. There were a whole lot of opas and ouzo going round. i can't believe how salty the greeks like there food, even the salad was salty.

The next day we went of to Mykonos and to be honest there isn't that much to tell except that we were staying on a resort on Paradise Beach that had an awesome pool, free tennis, soccer, pool and dvd's so not too much was achieved but body definitely needed the break. Quite a few people went to town but I only left the resort once when we left to head back to Athens.

I went and saw the Acropolis and the Parthenon, it was pretty cool got some really good pics, things are definately heating up now and i tried to find as much shade as possible, god knows what it would be like in the middle of summer, i can see why they have siestas over here.

I've spent the last 2 nights on a ferry to get to Venice and am most excited about checking it all out tomorrow, i get to go on a gondola, see St Marks Square and get lost in Venice in general. We stopped by Lake Garda and Verona today which was awesome, it was so different to Rome and I think a lot of people on the bus had a very different perspective on Italy. There were quite a few people on the bus who said they hated Rome and didn't much like italy but after walking round Verona and Lake Garda they definately changed there mind. A few of the girls on tour have gone absolutely mad on Gelati and are concerned that they will shortly turn into one.

Anyway have bloody contracted an ear infection so that will probably put a curb on the whole drinks thing tonight but i'll still head down to the bar to support the team. The bar at the campsite had a website where they have webcams and pics so if you wanna check it out its at:
www.fusinabar.com


Ciao Ciao

PS: Please send money and a new liver....

Veni Vidi Vici take 2

I came, I saw and in all honesty i got conquered by Rome. I have contracted what has affectionately been dubbed as the black death.

The metro in Rome is mad, people were almost falling out of the train when the doors opened on the way to the Vatican. I had a near run with a pick pocket who was a short sleazy balding italian man tbat started rubbing his crotch against my leg. I looked down at him and gave him my staunchest look possible and so do my tour mate Josh. The guy promptly left at the next stop. Another of the guys wasn't so lucky and after losing his wife in Rome later that day without any money had his wallet pickpocketed on the very first train in the next day.

We made it to the Vatican with half an hour to spare so secretley i laughed at the 14 others who spent an extra 50 euro and got up at 5am to make sure they got there. That place is amazing all the ceilings had huge artworks all over it but nothing compared with the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. I have no idea how he got up there, i'd seen pictures but i hadn't realised before that the pictures were only segments of what he painted there. It was definately the work of a lifetime and i'm glad i've seen it. Sorry no pics though as you're not allowed to in the Sistine Chapel.

After we went on a 10 -12k power walk which i was struggling with thanks to the black lung, I saw some huge building opposite where Mussolini used to fire up the Itais but was having trouble remembering details. After that we went on a forced march (only joking) to the Trevi fountain, I have never seen a fountain that big in my life it was awesome unfortunately there were a ton of tourists (aren't there always?) and I didn't really get a good shot of it and couldn't squish up the front to make a wish (here's hoping I'm lucky enough). After that me and the other really sick guy plonked down in a doorway and got a couple of tips, people must have thought we were lepers or something. I gave up on the walk at this point coz i couldn't breathe due to the heat, the sickness and the sheer weight of people. So i did like most other itais and walked a couple of the girls to get some gelati and then sat in front of the spanish steps for and hour and half just chatting people, watching and eating gelati.

I spent the next day in bed recovering and ended up sleeping from 8.30 that night till 11.30 the next day. Am now feeling well recovered.

On the way to Corfu (or the Fu) we stopped off at Pompeii and did a flying tour of it, about an hour although i could have spent the day there just wandering around. If you ever get the chance and can spend more than an hour there don't miss it for anything. They had bodies that they managed to create molds off and recreate or some process like that, actually it might be the other way round. There are frescoes that you can still see and greek and roman mosaics.

After Pompeii we headed to "Sleazy Brindisi", not sure why its sleazy and i didn't get a chance to find out as we headed straight for the port and boarded the overnight ferry to Corfu. The trip itself was rather uneventful except for the cabins which was like sleeping in a sauna, i think i know what prisoners/sailors feel like.

Arrived this morning in Corfu all i have to say is I love Greece. Wandered through Corfu town this morning and bought a beach towel so i was all ready for the arvo. Tried some of the local cuisine, a gyro and those things can be addictive. After we all caught up again we headed back to our hotel. We're spending the next three days with another contiki group that we meet back in Paris and they're staying in the hotel at the bottom of the hill, so theres approximately 60 of us to party it up in greece. Our group got the appartments at the top of the hill that are only 2 to a room and has a pool and bar of course! Spent the day in the sun, getting pissed, chatting and doing my best to see if I really can pull off being a maori, starting to get quite brown and its only been day 1. George's boat and Toga party tomorrow so I think they'll be rolling us down the gangplank in order to get us to the party tomorrow, this feels reminiscent to the christmas party!

Yammas (cheers)

Hey Big Spender...

Hey,

Monaco is unreal, went up and checked out the Rainiers (sp?) place last night and got to hear about the Grimaldi curse luckily enough for me it didn't follow me onto the roulette table. Got some pretty cool night pics of Monaco as well. I didn't end up going to the casino of Monte Carlo as it cost 10 euro to get in and I wanted to have a bit of a punt so i went the casino around the corner where there were 2 dollar tables for roulette. It cost 40 to get into the game so me and another guy on tour went halves and split the winnings and that. So we each put 20 in and we both walked away with another 22.50 euro so we doubled our money. I was pretty pleased with having made a withdrawl from the bank of Monte Carlo and we both decided to keep a 1 euro chip each as a souvenir.

Yesterday was another travel day, here we come Florence. We stopped off at Pisa and took the obligatory shots of us pushing the tower over although i got a pearler photo of me kicking it over. I was lucky enough not to have a baby thrown at me by a gypsy so altogether it was a good day. Went to the pub again last night but I think the previous weeks efforts are getting to me and am developing a bit of a cough. I've started on the codral and hopefully it doesn't last too long but half the bus seems to have developed this cough. Due to this I've been feeling a bit tired and haven't been bold enough to try out the only Italian i knew before i got here which is "Ciao Bella". I spent the morning wandering round the streets after our guided tour and managed to get a few decent photos, i wanted to head back a bit earlier as i haven't been feeling the best so decided against the 3 hour queue to see David, i did see the replica David though. Wandered through the local market for a couple of hours and then a group of us headed back for a bit of quiet time.

I'm having a tuscan meal tonight which should be interesting before they cart us of to another f ing pub. I think i'm just bitter about the pub because I'm feeling a bit run down and know i should lay off. Looking forward to getting to Corfu and Mykonos just to slow the pace a little as we're there for a few days at time. I've definately become a pro at this whole touring life thing and have yet to run out of clean clothes or get left behind, came close at Pisa though.

Tomorrow we are off to Rome and the Vatican City I'm taking a punt that our tour bus will get us there in time to get in but there are few who are getting the train to make sure. I would but it'd be an extra 50 euro cost and I'm already a little over budget particularly after all the lladro I bought for mum in Barcelona(its in the post!).
Still haven't heard where i'm going for camp and its starting to stress me a little but nothing another drink in a free pour society won't fix

Ciao Bella

Nice is Nice

Hey all I am having a variety of technical issues:
My international roam hasn't worked so if you texted and got no reply its coz i have no phone. If you are wondering where my photos are they are on my camera at look destined to stay that way.

Anway so i am in Nice (pronounced like niece) and thought I would do a quick recap, Barcelona was nice we only really had a day there but it was enough to soak up a bit of the atmosphere. It took 10 hours worth of driving plus a couple of stops so when we got there everyone had a bit of cabin fever and decided for a couple of quiets, and i do mean quiets, the next day we went to a few of the stadiums and where the Barcelona Olympics were. We got to walk around Gaudi's Cathedral de Familia (sp?) which was awesome, i know he coined the phrase "gaudy" but because its so huge you don't see that its really ahh "busy" shall we say., and ambled down La Ramblas.
That night we had our Flamenco evening which was pretty fun, we got to watch about an hour performance and then guess what some idiot gets to up on stage again. I think i have a sign painted on my forehead or something. I was going to out with a few of the girls to check the nightlife in Barcelona but dinner was a buffet so myself and the other half of the bus ended up eating ourselves into a stupor and that was the end of the night.

We arrived back in France last night so we celebrated with a few drinks at the bar, unfortunately i think i had a few too many and am feeling the effects right now have wandered round Nice for most of the morning and lost everyone i went to town with, i really like it it reminds me a little of Wellington except more french women! There's no rest for the wicked though so we're off to Monaco tonight so I will atttempt to win some money and fund the rest of my holiday and then Venice tomorrow.

I'm getting a little bored of taking photos so there'll be places where i have none but am getting copies of others photos but you guys really need to check it out for yourself.

PS: I have noone to write my address on my hand in case i get too drunk to get myself home but luckily tucked away in my passport holder are the addresses of every place i am staying at.

7:20:8 Bonjour & Hola

Well its been a while, I left for Paris about 6 days ago and have been like a madman since. My tourmates are a pretty fun bunch and after about 3 days everyone was getting on like a house on fire. My birthday was celebrated in good fashion and no i didn´t get tied to the Eiffel Tower or do a nudie run. As the first day on tour was my birthday i have been made tour ginea pig i had to try escargot infront of anyone and funnily enough it wasn´t too badjust quite garlicy. I spent the first day in Paris and went to the top of the Arc de Triomphe and waited for an accident to happen but no dice. After I wandered down the Champ Délesse (I´m using a crazy spanish key board and its well different apologies for typos) I made my first french fashion purchase as i broke my cheap studded belt from China and had to replace it, not sure how but i think i´ve lost weight. After we wandered round the gardens in front of the Louve and had gelato and chatted by this old school carosel like the one in Amelie. That night we went to the Nouvelle Eve Show I had the time of my life, and in fact I would somehow have been more keen to run nude through the streets of Paris as the girls in the group voted me onstage for a little audience participation requiring me toshake that thing. Day 2 in Paris was a Marathon as I we went through the Louve and saw La Joconda (?) aka my mate Mona and then the Musee DÖrcee where i got to see Starry Night and a heapof others and Notre Dame, we got to hearthe bells at Notre Dame where I couldn´t but help say to those with me The bells the bells...... as we were all feeling the after effects. Went tothe top of the Eiffel tower which was amazing, i could have spent a month in Paris just checking it all out but one ofmy biggest regrets has got to be not getting round to ordering un croque monsier as they always looked so good in my french text books

Cheers has got to go out to Mr Manese and mr Hern as things came flooding back to me. We went to the Palace of Versaille and that place is so big we almost missed the bus after rushing through the palace and walking to the entrance of the garden. It did provide an opportunity to use my long lostfrench as i got to say to the ticket attendant " meme chose, deux, non quarte." Later at the Arc i got to bust it out again as these 2 kids (17)wanted to go to the top but didn´t have a guardian so i saunteredup to the counter handed my ID through and said "et deux enfants sil vous plait" to which the attendent pissed herself as she looked through the glass and saw a very tall German and French girl standing next to me.


We spent the last 2 nights in this chateau in the Beaujolais wine region with nothing else to do but work on becoming eligible for a kidney transplant. I got on the red wine for a taste and once again found something pleasantly surprising. That night we had a first tour party which was a beach party theme. You´re probably wondering what the numbers in the title mean so i´ll spill, its a ratio and reads boys: girls: couples. So there are 39 people partying hard in a bar in the cellar of the chateau. So far I have earned the titles of Dancing Queen ( I later lost it that night) and also group alkie, i somehow managed to drink 6 beers over an hour and a half and followed that up with (what have been told) 7 or 8 torpedoed Smirnoff ices in approximately half an hour earning me the dubious record of being the first person on tour to get cut off fromt he bar, i earned a headache and fatigue for my efforts surprisingly vomit wasn´t required. I hit a good second innings the following nightn after my suspension was lifted with 2 beers and 5 torpedoes. For the record I was averaging 2-3 seconds a bottle with the aid of a straw.

Today we drove the longest leg our trip from the Beaujolais wine region to Barcelona. We stopped off on the way at Pont Du Gard to check out a an Aquaduct which pèople had no idea whatis was and weren´t particularly impressed till i told them that it was made in 70 BC. Even then i don´t know that it made much impact. I ´ve pretty much just arrived in Barcelona and will getto check it out properly tomorrow can´twait to go see Gaudi´s Catherdral am also kicking myself because i probably should have useda shoelace for a belt tilli got to the cheap leather in Espanol. I think wé´re just going to chill at the camp site tonight and have a few drinks although i´ve got this funny pain in my kidneys.......

Matterisk & Obelisk go to Stonehenge

After having had some broken sleep by ADD roomate I got up and got ready to head out to Stonehenge and Bath for the day. Through no fault of my own I managed to book this trip the day of the London Marathon and felt a little disappointed that I missed out on such a huge event but as i came over this rise and saw Bath for the first time I was so glad that I decided to go have a look somewhere out of London.

Stonehenge was pretty cool, I enjoyed but some of the people on my tour were disappointed and were saying that is was overated. Sure you couldn't get to close to it but seeing it in real life is so much better seeing it in a book, besides i'm not sure what they were expecting that it was such a huge disappointment. We didn't get to go check out the barrows which was a bit disappointing but other than that had a good time.

The tour to Stonehenge and Bath was with a group called Evan Evans and it seemed to cater to Asians and old people which was kinda amusing when the tour guide comes up to me and is all like "Nihongo blahdy blah blah" to which i reply "sorry what was that mate, I'm from Nu Zuland eh!" to which followed many many apologies.

I know my tour hasn't started but I'm sure Bath will be one of my favourite stops. It has this old school Dunedin or Christchurch kinda feel, all these old buildings that all looked the same and all heaps of the streets were like cobbled and that. I wish I had gone the day before as Bath was playing somebody in the Powergen cup. (Where are my Super 12 updates?).
I would definately like to go back to Bath at some point.

Quick things: burnt my photos to CD today and now this computer doesn't have an explorer program or won't read the drive. ALSO all my photos look the same with my head in one corner and a monument in the background and I have set the resolution too low in most of my pics damit.

Super Tourist

Well I think i have now covered the rest of the monopoly board.
The British Museum isn't far from the hotel so I went there and checked out the mummies and that, you could spend a week there. It was not at all what I expected a british museum to be like, it was utter chaos there were kids running round everywhere crying, screaming and playing mind you the place was filled with frogs and they're kinda emotional so maybe thats it?

I wandered round trying to get back to the hotel after leaving from a different exit and ended up at Charing Cross doing a crazy S bend like route to get there, got completely disoriented but it was so much fun. Finally found a tube station and headed to Leciester Square and checking it out, there are so many cool shows on that I would love to see. There's a list of shows that I can go see so I think i'll go to Fame but the Jerry Springer musical was tempting unfortunately the season has ended. After that went to Coventry Garden - fell in love with that place, Anna's taking me back after the tour so that i can do a little shopping and have a beer at the Punch and Judy.

Last night went to Soho with Anna and her workmates it was a real crack up. Hangin with the queens in Soho lol, funny conversations particularly Anna's about how she isn't a fag hag because she has too many gay friends to be one, what was creepy was the sleazy looking dude reading gay porn at a table by himself (obviously). We had a real international party going on couple of kiwis, an aussie, a german, an Irish girl and an argentinian.

Had a mean teriyaki don for pretty cheap as well but now that I've left Anna's i'm going through the pounds pretty quickly.

Today I visited St Paul's Cathedral, prior to going I had no idea what to expect and just thought that it'd be another church, how wrong was I! That place is awe inspiring, my jaw dropped as we were coming up Fleet Street and I saw it for the first time. After that I went to the London Dungeon having no idea what it was but saw that there was a big queue and i had a fast track ticket thought why not... think Te Papa with live (failed) actors but it was definately a crack up!
After that I walked over London Bridge, rumour has it that its not actually London Bridge and in fact that bridge burnt down or something. Once i'd crossed the bridge i got to The Tower of London. That was awesome makes you realise how young New Zealand considering when these things were built. Wandered round there for probably the rest of the day.

When i got back to the hotel I met one of my tourmates Natalie, who was pretty jaded having just got off the plane, had a quick meal at the pub, where the bartender was a Palmy boy who didn't hesitate to tell me 3 times in 5 minutes that he played with Jerry Collins and then proceeded to introduce me to every kiwi in the bar. I pretty much coma after that till this guy checks into my room at midnight and rustles through his pack for the better part of the night.

London Marathon, Monopoly and a Great Big Melting Pot

Well i ended up meeting up with Anna just after 5 after I was identified loitering outside the Marriott by security. Big thanks go out to Anna for copping a whole bunch of shit at work for taking my pack and then buying me a beer at the bar there while i waited for her.

So i arrived in London at 8.30 in the morning which is where my London Marathon starts, at this point i'd had about 5 hours sleep in the 24+ hours i spent getting there. Once i arrived in Oxford St i figure i walked close to 10-15kms in the six hours i was waiting, although i did have a bit of a kip in Grovesnor Park outside the American Embassy.... this was only the first leg of the journey as once i meet up with Anna and got back to Brixton "mon" think little Jamaica "mon", thankfully had a shower and went and meet some of Anna's flatmates which i consider to be the second leg as mucsling my way round the tube stations at peak hour took a herculean effort especially running to jump on the back of a bus with a full pack on.
The last leg of my journey begins and ends at the pub where i proceeded to get well boozed with Anna and 3 german girls (Anna's flatmates) which led to some very interesting conversations. If they are stereotypical germans than the stereotype is true. Well open about talking bout sex and so reserved about everything else not sure who has got it backwards us or them but it was a real crackup either way.

I'm working at getting the pics out but struggling to get them off the camera at the moment. We went back up the hill to have some more drinks but I almost passed out on the couch as my gravity was seeming to have a far larger pull on me than anyone else in the room.

In the last two days I feel like i've walked the majority of a Monopoly board as i've been down what seems close to most of the properties in the last side of the board before you pickup £200 and go and a skattering of the others as well. Still waiting to receive my £200 pound and land on free parking but thankfully i haven't been told to go to jail. I went to Buckingham Palace, Westminister Abbey, Big Ben, House of Commons and Picadilly Circus yesterday all thanks to my lovely german tour guide Barabara (Anna's friend). I don't really know what i was expecting but being led round London by a german definitely wasn't one of them! I think with that package I'll have a better look in depth at it a second time round.

Went to Chinatown for dinner once we meet up with Anna which in itself was hilarious they so cater for the hairy white man here. No bowls, they serve it on plates and if you want chopsticks you have to ask for them. We had to walk past the Odeon to get there and the Premiere for "The Interpreter" was on but we decided to eat first and then come back but it was all over by the time we got back.

Did the mad dash with Anna this morning to transfer to the hotel I'm staying at, kinda waiting to check in and dump my bags and that and pick up my tickets for the rest of the sites but i think i'll head off to the British Museum at some point and possibly back to Picadilly Circus at some point.

Anyway time for more madcap adventures

Finally

Well I made it safe and sound to Heathrow and sauntered through customs far easier than i imagined it possible. Highlights for the flight over would include the lady that decided to change her baby's nappie at her seat, lucky me got to sit right in front of her! Followed by guy that scrambled all over me to get out to go to the bathroom rather than wait and let me get out first.

So I've been in London since 8.30am this morning and haven't had a shower for a good 24 hours am feeling extremely scummy and tired but too excited to go to sleep. I went and saw Anna ( Sarah's friend) to drop off my pack so i could wander around till 4.30pm when she finished work. She gave me her house key so that i could go and crash but figure i may as well wait a couple more hours so that i actually get to her house rather than go round in circles on the tube. Felt like a right knob walking into the Marriott with my backpack and hoody on, everyone was blatantly staring at me coz we all knew i wasn't really supposed to be there

Had my first warm beer at 12pm figuring i should try the english way of life but have to say warm beer is disgusting and god knows how they drink so much of it. But when in Rome.....
Been wandering up and down Oxford St and in a vaguely circular direction there of. It seems like a high price shopping area though, heaps of flagship type stores like FCUK, Espirit and stuff like that. Its really weird they got these Nike shops and that in these really old school english buildings like out of Mary Poppins or something. I've mainly just been wandering around eavesdropping just so i can hear the accent and checking out the cool buildings.

Not sure what i'll do tomorrow, probably chill out and see what Anna recommends just gotta be careful though as i've paid for this sight seeing package and i'm not 100% sure what's included in it so i don't really want to pay for anything twice.

Laters

Nightmare Start.......

Well the last week's been somewhat of a frigging nightmare......

All I can say is don't lose your wallet exactly 7 days before you leave as it will cut down on the stress of trying to get replacement cards that take 7-10 working days to replace.
I think just this would have been fine but then having to travel to Auckland to get my J1 visa was another misadventure that I'd sooner forget. My appointment was at 9.30 so I got up at 4.45am to make my flight at 6.30am to have the plane delayed for an hour and having to get a taxi to the consulate where the extent of my
participation was waiting in lines for a total of an hour and the only interaction at my "interview" being handing them my papers to peruse for 5mins being asked to sit and wait for an hour and then placing my fingers on the fingerprint scanner taking a total of about 10 seconds......wicked!